• Pushing yourself to grow, take risks, try something new and brave and seemingly cool and oh-so you, really you?
• Pushing yourself so far out of the comfort zone of your natural strengths that you’re entering  a full-blown state of chronic misery and anxiety?

Not everyone lives like this, but sometimes it’s easy to confuse a healthy challenge with an unnatural one that drains all your enthusiasm. Some of us call it “making lives just a wee harder than it needs to be.” Others might call it “getting lost on the wrong path” or “barking up the wrong tree.”  It could be a simple case of: Trying this, not liking it, time to take a right turn and fast.

What are signs that your challenge is perhaps one to reconsider? How do you know when a state of discomfort is just you blowing through some old cycles and on to new pastures and to just keep going?

Sometimes it’s trial and error. But here are a few signs that might signal that you’re making yourself walk the plank and it’s time to come back to home base.

• You feel anxietous even when you picture the arrival zone at the end of some short-term challenges.
• You’ve lost all motivation and inspiration, even after a holiday, even after a restful weekend, even after [insert whatever here makes your sails flutter].
• You’re starting to feel depressed, melancholic, unsociable.
• You wonder why you’re not more excited about creating this new venture for yourself.
• When you think of some alternate paths to the one you’re on, something in you screams, That one! Yes! Over there!
• Something in you wants to raise the white flag.
• When you look at the highlights of the last ten years, they in no way match up to what you’re doing. So, if you’re trying to adjust to life as a farmer when you love the honking noise of a city and the smell of exhaust, you’re probably swimming upstream.
• When you spend most of your days — consecutively — dreaming of going to bed at night.
• When people post “I love my life” statuses on Facebook and Twitter your automatic response is something along the lines of “F you.”

It’s great to strive and have ambitions and want to take chances and risks and use a recession for a new opportunity. But if it makes you miserable stop and ask yourself: What am I really good at? What situations do I thrive in? What did I love to do as a kid? The answers are there, just be open for them.

And here’s to pursing the right kind of challenges, where you use your strengths and natural gifts and go with the flow of your joyful life. It’s not failure to “quit” and take a new turn. Success is knowing when to get out and on to the next best thing.

Go for it!

xo

Nurtured back to life by beauty and six weeks away from daily life.

– you just need a sweet  little holiday!

Sometimes I forget how important a holiday is. DUH. Now that I’m back from a six day visit to Colorado, lapping up my niece and nephew and family members, taking in the surrounding beauty and not thinking about my daily life-work-etc pursuits, life feels so much more … hopeful! And just plain pretty and nice and cute and fluffy and safe and lovely.

Before vacation: unmotivated, not enjoying normally fun activities, not into life, that simple. I think when we get here it’s usually a sign to GET OUT OF TOWN AND FILL UP THE TANK!

I write that in caps because I think that’s what my inner caretaker was trying to tell me and I just couldn’t hear. So next time I’ll look for that stooped shouldered feel of walking through life that tells me: Revive time.

Even a long weekend works.

So question to you: What are signs that you need a holiday, and how can you first catch those signs before it gets to a low point? Waiting too long for a get away is like exercising for too long and hard without enough fuel and sleep — it takes days sometimes even weeks to recoup. Imagine how you could be enjoying more of your days.

And next time you take a vacation (a good one) pay attention to what really energizes, invigorates and nurtures you. I (re)learned how much physical beauty massages my soul back to life. Which means I need to get more of it in at home.

If you can’t read your body or thought language yet, use a calendar. Most of us need some kind of break from the routine every six weeks. Find out when you start to get squiggly and gremlin-y in thoughts and put some candy on your calendar now.

xo t

Fat Salmon 3.2 mile race start. Photo by J. Rosen.

My favorite party of the year is Seattle’s Fat Salmon swim race. Swimmers from all over the area congregate for a morning of socializing around a pair of point-to-point race distances — one and three miles.

This blog post is about how you start something like, say, a long-distance race, and in the first minute you’re asking, “Why am I doing this again?”

It’s a common situation: You plan for something, set a goal, pant after it in your daily life and then it shows up and as you step into it and you’re suddenly visited by an existential spin of: “What the — ?” The inner trickster. Here’s how I dealt with mine.

Obviously I wasn’t going to get out of the water. I tried, but there was no competitive mojo in my body or spirit, so I just settled in and refrained from judging. Sometimes during a race I try to open up to lessons I can take into my work life or personal life. The mantra that entered my mind on Saturday was: “Slow and steady wins the race.” I started to argue with this line: But I don’t want slow. And I’m certainly not winning any race today!

Still, that seemed to be the leitmotif of my swim, boomeranging back every time I tried to push it away. And it worked, in that it helped me take one stroke after another in an unhurried fashion, accepting the fact I wasn’t going to slip into a competitive pace. Here I was, oh well. Mantras can be like a pacing coach.

It turned out to be a pretty good swim, too. I didn’t feel overwhelmed by the distance, I didn’t winge and whine and get out of the water thinking, Never again!  I lost my timing chip during the swim and was perfectly content to not have to get my time.

And then a friend informed me that I had won my age group. What a surprise! It doesn’t make life that much better to tell you the truth, but it does make me giggle. And it makes me value the company (and truth) of a mantra when it comes visiting. It was perfectly 100 percent true for that day.

So on this note –

What one-liner is whispering in your ear when the Trickster shows up?

xo

Fun in a nutshell: running unencumbered with my favorite people.

Our childhood offers up a lot of rich, useful information to our adult self.

If you feel like you’ve fallen off the fun wagon — you’re in a creative mojo descendent, or you’ve lost your laugh, forgotten how to play — try on this question:

What are you first memories of fun?

Write down your answers. They can range from something physical (playing tag) to quiet daydreamy time somewhere cozy and private (your room, a tree).

If you feel a bit like a deer-in-headlights , that’s okay. We all do at first. Take a deep breath and let you mind wander and catch whatever image first comes to you. After you write down one or two, the faucet turns on and eight hours later lying in bed three more might come to you, presto!

In the meantime, write a list and underline some of the key words. For example, some of my earliest memories of fun were: Running in the playfield with friends to catch the wind and enjoy the feeling of the beeze against my skin; swimming; team sports, daydreaming in my room, performing to Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar, playing cards and board games. Key words: Running, swimming, team sports (collaboration), daydreaming (me time), performing, playing games.

I can look at those words and see how I’ve A) returned back to these activities in my adult life; B) seen how some of these key words, like performing, are showing up in my working life through giving workshops and C) I can see areas I am depleted in and could fill up a bit (team collaborations and more strategic playing).

Give it a whirl. Take a Fun reconnaissance mission and see what you find there.

I asked this question yesterday at a Fun workshop I gave to some Seattle coaches. Their whole bodies lit up at their rediscoveries. And they saw themes and had a few of those ooohhhhs, when life clicks into making a tiny bit more sense, i.e., we see repeating themes to the story of our lives.

Plus, you might be surprised at how youthful you still are!

xo

Life can feel like a weird, scary dream. Embrace it -- see where it takes you.

A friend of mine emails me to report she is feeling lost, having a crisis of identity.

“How about you?” she asks.

Oh, I’ve been there. Haven’t most of us who’ve hit the thorny woods of midlife? 

Transitions — they can be hell. But once you get the hang of the ass-kickingness of a big one, they can also be really cool. Like the screaming fun of a roller coaster ride.

I tell myself that feeling lost is just a feeling — and while feelings are powerful, they aren’t always the truth. So, you may feel lost, but it doesn’t mean you are.

Plus, I have a theory. Getting lost can be a beautiful necessity.

Every so often we have to lose ourselves to find ourselves anew. It’s like renewing our personal contract with our life: renewing values, relationships, visions, missions, and so forth.

Still, when transitions and feelings of lostness and identity shifts come to visit, life can get challenging. Probably because we only put our heads up and look around when we’re feeling uncomfortable. Discomfort’s gift is a willingness to change and reconsider the paths we’re on — an important reconnaissance mission.

So, in the spirit of adventure and being your full bad-ass self in transition, here are a few questions to consider for the quest:

• What do you know about yourself that is true?
• What new truth might be coming forth during this time, to take you forward in life?
• What can you renew in your own personal contract with life?

Take your curiosity and some good questions with you on the journey. Questions are like your super power, they’ll keep you traveling more lightly on your feet.

Here’s to your spirit of adventure! xo

Playing around in nature: Fun! Restorative.

During a recent Fun Workshop at my co-working space, Office Nomads, I asked “Why is it important to have fun?”

Here’s what the group came up with:

• More happiness
• More engagement
• Interest
• Creates energy
• More surprise
• Laughter
• Endorphins [PS: laughing is a natural endorphin]
• Helps change perspective
• Optimism
• Curiosity
• Flow state: Energy out > energy in
• Creativity
• More resourceful
• Freedom
• Exploration
• Meaningful connections

Imagine a life — and a job — filled with this list.

If you could have a bit more of one of these qualities in your life, which would you choose?

What is one easy step you could take — in thought or action — that would add some fun, engagement, surprise, energy to your work life in the next week?

Have fun experimenting. xo

What's your space?

I was listening to a Fresh Air interview with comedian Joan Rivers last week.

At one point in the conversation, Terry Gross asked Rivers why, after all these years, and 70 years old, she still chooses to get on stage and perform, stage fright included. She answered the question with a great line from British actor Peter O’Toole.

Rivers and O’Toole were backstage somewhere together, and O’Toole pointed to the stage and declared, “that’s my space.”

Simple, elegant, clear. That stage is the space where people like Rivers and O’Toole feel most themselves and they’re doing their life work, playing, feeling engaged — all that good stuff.

Now let’s take this line and play with it.  What is your space — a place where you move and think and work most naturally? A place where you want to return to year after year?

If you were to point to something and say “that’s my space,” where would that be?

I always like the message of a quote like this, probably because I am not one of these slaves — I’ve always “followed my bliss,” as Campbell liked to say. But the reason why I like this quote is because I need it. At a time right now, when I’m building a new business and filled with all kinds of uncertainty, a quote like this can cheer me on.

But I also feel for another reality of those of us who have taken jobs more for the money than for deep meaning or fulfillment. Some of us have needed it, some of us have started on that path and are now stuck there, not sure how to get out of it, and let’s face it — we live in an increasingly expensive and materialistic world. It’s tough to “follow your bliss.” As someone who has chosen to — actually, it’s more that I’m wired to — do work I really like and care about, I feel for both stuggles.

The struggles to do work you don’t like in order to provide for a family; and the struggles to do the work you love while dealing with uncertainty, isolation, doubt and fear. And then there are the places in between these two extremes.

I’ve worked for companies and on my own over the years and I’ve liked both experiences for different reasons. I like the community and collaboration of a company job; I like the regular pay check, the insurance and generally the sense of being taken cared of.

But it doesn’t take long for me to start feeling bored and restless in the routine, with the politics and the same-ol, same-ol.

I got my first clue when I was 23, working at my  first job in NYC, an advertising job, when after a very unsatisfying first year of working in circles I started asking my team members, “Why do you do this? Do you like this work?” My answers were all along the lines of, “What else is there to do?” I found those answers totally unacceptable.

Have I had a better life leaving this so-called “prison” and doing work I like, that has meaning and diversity and creativity? Who knows, but I don’t think I am better off or a better person or enjoying my life any more.

I’ve struggled and been broke, unemployed, lonely and despairing while others have marched to their daily jobs, building their 401ks and getting on in life. However –

It’s the right life, with the right successes and challenges for me. And I don’t have a big history of jobs I hated or jobs I’ve been bored at and the changes along the way have also fit my temperament and personality.

I believe we have the life that works best for us, at least when we’re making intentional decisions.

At some point in life we get an opportunity to take all those breadcrumbs and patterns and sign posts and start to consider a new way of working, living — and committing to that. It might be a tiny shift, like working 40 hours a week instead of 60. It might be quitting your job to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do (which recessions can be good for; many people who lose their jobs are often freed up to follow a new path).

Either way, creating a good working life can be a struggle — but a beautiful one, filled with surprising encounters, self-discovery, connections and euphoric buzzes of purpose and meaning that go beyond one’s wildest expectations.  Even a sense of peace.

A friend recently responded to my biz building efforts with, “That sounds hard.” Yes, sorta. But what’s harder for me is going to a job day in day out that I don’t like.

I care about having a fulfilling working live, and I care about other peoples’ working lives. I’ve been at enough companies where I’ve witnessed people just not having a great time at work. Some of it is their own choice (we all know those chronic bitchers). But still, what a sad situation, that so many of us go off to our jobs with rounded shoulders and tired souls.

This is one reason why I want to coach professionals. I want to do what I can to help people have more fun at work, feel more fulfilled, use their innate imagination and creativity to manifest a better work-life experience.

Because when you’re happier and I’m happier and he’s happier and she’s happier … it affects all of us. What a beautiful world it would be if more people even liked their work more than they already do.

So, whether you’re a job slave or bliss follower, or somewhere in between, what do you think of Campbell’s quote?

What are you doing right now to have a life-work experience that brings you some kind of joy, fulfillment and sense of purpose?

Here’s to all of you hard workers!

xo t

My May calendar. Is there a message here?  

This year I’ve tried to get Organized. I’ve tried to get on a blogging editorial calendar and fill my weeks with regular tasks, duties and god-knows-what.

The first calendar was a one-week whiteboard calendar that I gave away after writing down a great schedule for a week in January that was still there in early March.

Next, I moved on to the big lovely monthly calendar you see above. I sprinkled the month of March with an editorial calendar and ideas and that went okay. I do have a bit of a problem following orders, which this felt like. My internal writer self would protest, “But I don’t WANT to write about that! I don’t WANT to write it today!” Hmph.

April I ended up accidentally doing something different– I filled the calendar after I wrote a blog or had an idea to track or fill out. I thought it was the best idea ever — learn from the pattern and do more of what worked. Genius.

And by May, I was over it. It didn’t even exist for me anymore, even though it sat there on my working table in all its whiteness.

Ironically enough, I was the “calendar girl” at my last editorial job, keeping our calendar updated and I even liked it. I can actually get organized when it’s for a group. For myself, it’s a differnet story: it seems to be a more chaotic sense of organization.

Here’s the thing: Systems don’t work for everyone. Our cavemen predecessors didn’t have calendars and keep appointments. Even though that’s modern life, so we have to deal with it, it’s still not a part of our animal nature.

Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Well chalk one up for the pot smokers. Apparently, multitasking lowers your IQ by 10 points while smoking pot only lowers it by 4 points. Shit.

 The other night I took the first of a two-part teleclass on Time with the spunky smart duo of Susan Hyatt and Terry Demeo. It’s not about Time Management but more about our relationship to time, as in: How do you stop feeling like there’s never enough Time, and Why does it always feel like you’re never doing enough with your Time (flog flog — ow).

Until now, I always prided myself on a continual circular way of working and moving and thinking. Maybe this was my romantic way of promoting a darting, undisciplined attention span.

And so I learn the cold hard — and liberating — truth: I’d be better off waking and baking than parceling out my mental concentration chunks the way I do.

However, the reason why this feels liberating  is because it actually sounds a lot more relaxing to give a chunk of my focus to an activity instead of being in perpectual mind motion.

And already I’m watching the behavior. For example, last night I’m in bed –  with three books to choose from, which does wonders for my reading — and when I finally pick one to settle into, my mind tells me “There’s some TheraFlu in the kitchen that would be good to have so you don’t cough through the night.” And off I went.

Classic behavior. Does anyone else ever do this? It’s not that I can’t sit still, it just takes me a while to get into the groove. And I do like being in motion, mentally or physically.

Still, it can be frustrating and defeating to be constantly darting. I can see my mental acuity passing out on the couch by midday. My working style can be a disjointed romp of: Writing a little here, Emailing a little there, a thought comes in so I get online to check god-knows-what site which reminds me of something Else and before I know it I’m totally lost. Except that I have the breadcrumbs of open windows and browsers to help me back to the beginning. So I’ve made a teeny bit of progress and off we go again. The writing gets started and then the email, something to check, a Facebook message to reply to and we’re back at the multitasking races.

So now the practice is to dedicate myself to a project for a chunk of time and see how that goes.

The main tricks here include: closing my email, not checking Facebook (I love distractions!) and reminding myself to Stick With It. The Stick With It is made possible by the fact that some part of mywiser self knows I’ll have more fulfillment, and do better work if I phase out the multitasking and go deeper with each project.

Plus the fact, I gave up pot smoking years ago, so I don’t really have a choice.

And I have to admit something: I often get plagued by something I call “stoner’s brain.” It’s when I lose my train of thought in the middle of a story, or I can’t think of a word or I act generally spacey because I can’t get my thought-life together and intact. I’ve wanted to blame it on age but I’m not 100. So maybe it’s the multitasking.

It will be interesting to see if reducing multitasking will make my stoner’s brain go down.

Note: here’s an interesting book about Time if anyone is curious to read and learn more:
The Secret Pulse of Time: Making Sense of Life’s Scarcest Commodity, by Stefan Klein.
Some interesting stuff in there, including why time-keeping/calendaring systems just don’t work for human beings (did our caveman ancestors use them? no.)

Enjoy your gorgeous IQs and watch that multitasking!

xo